HBSC Credit Cards - How to charge someone who pays on time?

Hello buddies. I am your best friend for spending the money you don't own. Am HBSC Credit Card. You end up using me for anything and everything and at the end don't have the money to repay. My boss enjoys to have such people as so called "customers" and lets down a huge rain of interest over YOU losers. Best part, "YOU still pay".. We have a huge set of people who come under this category. My boss likes them a lot. Infact he loves them to the core.

But what about all those sincere people who pay on time. "They suck" is what my boss says. We at HBSC do have a few tricks up our sleeves so that we can get these buggers pay extra no matter they pay on time or not.. Below are just a few.

Case 1: YOU took a new credit card from us this in the beginning of this year. YOU paid back on time everytime. Our sales executives had promised YOU that your card is free and does not carry any annual fees. How can we make YOU pay extra?
Ans: Let me try to put in an annual fee of Rs 2000 + 206 (10.3% of fees levied, RBI guidelines I say) and hope you buggers don't notice a thing. If you don't bother i can do that every year. Cool isn't it. After all the sales executive might have just given you the wrong information.. ha ha.. or may be.. just may be.. he forgot to tell you about this. Unless you are not sure about it, i can always get this amount applicable on your card.

Case 2: YOU were very sure that your card came with no annual fees and i had to annul the charges.. Now what can i do so that i still get YOU to pay?
Ans: I have a few cool options up my sleeve.
a. Give your cheque for clearance on the last date of payment so that you foolish people end up paying fines and then you end up blaming your respective banks. I will make you get an impression that its only your f----- bank that doesn't clear cheques on time.
b. Somehow see to it that the cheques don't get cleared at all. This way i will be able to impose you a fine of 350 Rs + 10.3% (RBI guidelines sir, we cant help). Of course the interest on the late payment still holds good..:)
c. What if the mistake is on your side. You forgot to sign the cheque or may be you just corrected something and forgot to cross sign at that place. Please don't be disheartened friends. We will inform you regarding the same. Now if you ask me when will you do that, am damn sure i would do it after your last date of payment. We at HBSC are committed to service and value your time . We only communicate with customers on or after the billing date (Since you have registered for DNC (do not call) service). We do this so that you are not bothered by our frequent calls. Please note that you are free to call us anytime. We have efficient people who can see to it that they don't stop while speaking and that helps (You keep your mouths shut). YOU give me a brick, we give YOU a boulder.

Case 3: YOU decided to pay by cash at our branch office after we tried extracting money from YOU using the previous techniques. This way YOU could avoid any late payments or need not worry about cheques being returned.
Ans: Now you feel that i have no methods left for getting YOU to pay extra, but i still do. I just managed to put in a small note in the previous statement saying that any cash transaction will be accompanied by a fee of 100 Rs + 10.3%(RBI guidelines, can't help). Now what does that mean. Anybody who doesn't have a bank account or a cheque book and holds our credit cards will fetch me easy cash without any reason. And those who have it, i know what i can do... Cool isn't it. And since the amount is not that huge in terms of figure YOU might just not notice it when you get your statement. And even if YOU manage to notice it, we have good people to yell at you to look into your last statement and check on the microscopic words which have been modified recently.

Our Moto: You can run from us now, but we are gonna hump u for sure.. "The Local Bank"

YOU can send in your suggestions and any new techniques for retrieving money to us by mail. We at HBSC value your suggestions (Although we might never consider it if it means you not needing to pay). Best suggestions would be rewarded with a Credit card.... LOL